In the Dark
by lollipop cerise
Summary: Alessa's trying to open her eyes, to escape the nightmare…But no matter how hard she tries, she can't wake up. And all she could do, is wish her future self be happy.


_**You lie silent there before me**_

_**Your tears they mean nothing to me**_

_**The wind howling at the window**_

_**The love you never gave I give to you**_

_**really don't deserve it**_

_**but now there's nothing you can do**_

_**So sleep in your only memory**_

_**And weep my dearest mother**_

Alessa's trying to open her eyes, to escape the horrible nightmare…But no matter how hard she tries, she can't wake up.

The girl is trapped in her nightmare...Couldn't see nor breathe.

There's nothing but darkness around her, the pitch black that blinds her eyes. Her lungs are filled with foreign fluid, the mortal fear crept in and she shuddered in panic.

She tried to utter a voice, but it hurt so bad that she wondered if she's choked and vomited at the same time.

This is just a dream…She tried many times to opened her eyes, she's trying so hard…But she just can't wake up.

Could it be another spell? A new punishement…?

Of course it is.

_**Here's a lullaby to close your eyes goodbye**_

_**It was always you that I despised**_

_**I don't feel enough for you to cry oh my**_

_**Here's a lullaby to close your eyes goodbye**_

_**goodbye**_

Alessa's been locked up in a cell for 3 months, her mother claimed it's to punish her bad behavior. In the memory of the six-year-old girl, in all her life, her mother has given her nothing but punishment. All Dahlia did was to tear her apart, even though she's already in pieces. Alessa's not mature enough to understand this, but she'd never felt safe or complete, not to mention love. Scorn, taunt, scars, burns…she has learnt nothing about life except the brutal, savage pain.

_**So insignificant**_

_**Sleeping dormant deep inside of me**_

_**Are you hiding away lost**_

_**Under the sewers**_

_**Maybe flying high**_

_**In the clouds**_

_**Perhaps you're happy without me**_

_**So many seeds have been sown on the field**_

_**And who could sprout up so blessedly**_

_**if I had died**_

_**I would have never**_

_**felt sad at all**_

_**You will not hear me say**_

_**I'm sorry**_

_**Where is the light**_

_**Wonder if it's weeping somewhere**_

Alessa had closed her eyes and drifted into sleep. She's been dreaming ever since she got here. In the first days she'd dreamt of getting out, to see Claudia and the outside world. But as time passing by the dreams have turned into nightmares…Everytime she wakes up in the dark, being surrounded by loneliness and despair, she'd cry silent tears. But recently she doesn't cry anymore. Sometimes she's just lying on the shattered bed, staring into the darkness. There's no escape, no one can hear her screams, she thought even if they do, they wouldn't care. She could tell she's losing her sanity day by day.

Now her sense of time is totally messed up, and she can't tell if she's in a dream, or in reality. Because they all look the same. They all _feel_ the same. But in the nightmares, the pain's a lot worse, more various and more real…

_**Here's a lullaby to close your eyes goodbye**_

_**It was always you that I despised**_

_**I don't feel enough for you to cry oh my**_

_**Here's a lullaby to close your eyes goodbye**_

_**Goodbye**_

In the middle of the night there'd be howling wind that'd haunt her, haunt her so bad that she'd cry, she'd weep silently because she's afraid of waking Mom up. She'd punish her for crying, screaming…By all the nasty means.

So little Alessa fell into silence. Wrapped in fear, angst, helplessness and the sick, cold, endless darkness… She knew she'd be having wild dreams tonight, the paranoia was shouting out loud in her head and she's screaming desperately on the inside…Her tear-stained face was so pale, her empty eyes were staring blankly at the crack in the wall, even though it's pitch black she knew it was there…Her implausible heartbeat led the bleeding pain grow in throbbing veins, in rhythm with the pouring rain and growling thunder outside the house.

_"Mom, I'm sorry!" She cried out of agony, tears running down her face. _

_"You're nothing."Dahlia hissed out, venom filling in her voice. She raised the riding-crop in her hands and Alessa fliched out of instinct._

_"Please-" Another lash landed on her skin and she could feel it was tore. The girl shrieked in pure fear._

_"Shut up!" _

_Alessa bit down her lips to suppress the sound, nevertheless couldn't help but hyperventilating, shuddering, crying. She's so damn frightened and she couldn't help it!_

_Dahlia lashed at her face. The burning pain was intense as fire which made her see white. In the next second she felt blood. She was four years old and already tasted her own blood. It was bleeding right above her eyebrow...But she knew it meant for her eye._

_She writhed on the ground with the bleeding grooves of the lash marks. It was so sore that tears kept stinging her eyes. Alessa gasped, sobbing at the pain of Dahlia's finger digging into her sensitive cuts..._

She's so used to pain and despair, so used to be forlorn_, _hated, strangled, burnt, broken…That is only when in pain can she feel herself being alive.

All the unholy names she'd been called, all the unrest she had felt, all the scars and fears and tears and hatred...

Sometimes she wish she could just disappear. Hide in the darkness forever and never embrace the light again. Because everytime when she worships hope, it will eventually be crushed in a cruel, inhuman way which she never wanted to been through. She's too weary and tired and lost, she doesn't dare to dream anymore, she can no longer hold faith because she's always been taught to hate. The punishment won't be end if she doesn't give up...

But she wanted to live. She had a desire and knew how lovely it could be...She secretly sworn that she'll avenge herself. She's too weak to fight Dahlia, but one day, when the time comes, she won't be begging for her mercy, won't crawl like a worm from a bird, her freedom and happiness will be earned.

After all, all those blood didn't bled for nothing.

* * *

><p>"What is this…?" Heather muttered, holding a piece of dust–covered, yellowed paper in her hands, the handwriting is childish and slightly faded.<p>

_**Letter -From The Lost Days-**_

_**A letter to my future self...**_

_**Am I still happy yet again?**_

_**Have I grown out 'pretty'?**_

_**Is daddy still a good man?**_

_**Am I still friends with Coleen?**_

_**I'm sure that I'm still laughing…**_

Memories are flooding in her mind like roaring tide. In front of her there's a girl with long raven hair, amazing ice blue eyes and porcelain skin. She also has bruises and scars on her body. Hold on a second, are those… burns?

Heather remembers now, all the nightmarish tortures and hellish days, they cripple her heart, devour her senses, and she's overwhelmed with bittersweet wishes. The darkness's tightening its hand on her throat, she can't breathe, she can't think, she's completely taken over, confusion setting in…

There was a girl named Coleen, who was her best friend back in the third grade, but she had died in the hospital…It was some rare disease that had killed her, at least that's what she's been told and believed so. Although…Coleen's been sick ever since the break up of their relationship. Because Coleen's family _betrayed_ Manson's and in the end they had to flee to another city, so they broke up. And Coleen was cursed.

It wasn't Alessa's real intention. As the kid she was she didn't mean it. Because she can still remember how she cherished her…Once you've got so little to love, you tend to hold it dearly instead of destroying it.

But it just happened. It was what she is…

"The devilish anima, a disaster to the human kind."

_**Aren't I?**_

_**Aren't I?**_

She loved Cheryl too much and she's everything she wanted to be.

_**Hey there to my future self**_

_**If you forget how to smile**_

_**I'll have this to tell you**_

_**Remember it once in a while**_

_**Ten years ago your past self**_

_**Prayed for you happiness**_

_**Please don't lose hope**_

"_Alessa, are you feeling better?" _

What struck Heather about the nurse in the red coat was not her almost angelic good looks. Nor that her eyelashes were so clearly visible above and below her eyes. Nor the nose, the chin, the fine shape of her cheeks. Nor that her thick honey-blond hair was elegantly cut, nor the full lips that seemed to be kissing each other in her mouth. What struck Heather was the gentleness. The gentleness in the emerald eyes that made her feel bare and stunned. The eyes with green irises that shone with the intensity of a mature young woman, the kindness so genuine that Heather seemed to sense it physically, as something warm and tender.

The angel in hell.

_Her_ angel.

She's lost in the darkness, trying to survive…All she needed was a gentle heart, to lead her through the dark.

_**Oh, oh what a pain, me and you**_

_**Put here to feel joy, not the blue**_

_**Sad times and bad times, see them through**_

_**Soon we will know, if it's for real**_

_**What we both feel**_

Heather's head hurts and she could literally taste Alessa's misery. It was her past self's whisper wandering in her mind:

_**Though I can't know for sure how things worked out for us**_

_**No matter how hard it gets, you have to realize**_

_**We weren't put on this earth to suffer and cry.**_

_**We were made for being happy.**_

_**So be happy, for me, for you.**_

_**Please.**_

_**I'd be graceful if I know what love is, I'd be beautiful if I know what sin is, I'd be merciful if I know what forgiveness is…**_

She stared at the last words, feeling too hurt and too angry, and on top of everything, she can't find the answer whether she can forgive them. All of them. Alessa was facing death row with the same wounds she'd had on the floor of home, wounds that weren't going to heal.

But I want to live...I have hope...

I don't want to fail her.


End file.
